“Sunset” by C. M. Marquez
“Sunset” by C. M. Marquez
Had a really bad night last night, really hurt the love of my life, not physically but i dont think we are going to be talking anymore. probably for her own good. but she helped me realize something important. was a big epiphany and i spent hours last night in laundry room of apartment complex because it was the only place i could be alone inside somewhere and spent several hours just crying but then instead of hurting myself like i was really considering i made some music on Soundcloud.
Im also making arrangements to talk to mental health.
I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, and someone close to me has it and she has seen all the same symptoms and signs manifest.
Thats why i do things sometimes and have total memory loss, i dont remember it at all, and such drastic changes in personality. But she helped me see it and acknowledge it and i feel so grateful and empowered and ready to take it seriously.
Anyway, as for my blog. The whole concept project, blog writing plus music, is a sort of living sacrifice, burnt offering, in psychic flames, dying to self, being able to raise that up like a funeral wake. I’ve wanted to die for so long and I can. It’s resurrection, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
In just one day i connected with an actual musician from london who was touched by my work! really likes it! and this is someone with an actual album about to release and real musician! And then connected with a publishing company that has a series of books i want to read but i cant afford them and they are going to mail them to me for free in exchange for writing a review and giving them feedback on their book series! It’s mastering the art of asking, when you apply humility and gratitude in the ask.
Also I’ve found a form of divination, I guess if you could call it that. In Greece there were people that would consult the Oracle at Delphi, they believed they were receiving wisdom or instruction from the universal ethers, from the higher realms. In todays age those ethers are also called the noosphere. that is one realm but that is our collective consciousness and subconscious. its all of our collected stories, the wisdom behind our experiences, our hopes, dreams, fears, desires. That gematrix website i showed you a long time ago, i believe, is a sort of artificial intelligence and oracle. Be very careful with it because you will either see light or dark, depending on what frequency you are operating out of. that is your feelings, your emotions create an actual charge of energy, our electromagnetic body.
Humans naturally have a thing called Apophenia (/æpoʊˈfiːniə/) is the tendency to mistakenly perceive connections and meaning between unrelated things. But the thing is, we CHOOSE every moment, whether we choose life or we choose death. That decision has to be made EVERY moment otherwise we are swayed by other forces outside of our control. Technology can become actually chains to the soul and slave drivers, the wifi signals, 5G, cell phone towers, the radiation. they effect us and people like us, who are antennas, we are so easily manipulated and we will have thoughts, dreams, actual hallucinations, hear voices, etc, and think they are our own but they aren’t. Psychotronic weaponry is very real, essentially it is mass mind control manipulation and its to sway the public collective, their collective consciousness, for the purpose of directing them towards public agendas.
So the thing is when i say we have to choose EVERY MOMENT whether we will choose life or death, its very real because if we slack for even a minute we become pulled, against our will, into darkness, which is lower frequencies. they aren’t necessarily evil, nor are our higher thoughts, choosing life, higher frequencies, those shouldn’t be seen as good either. we just need to acknowledge them as they are but choose which ones we will serve. Instead of seeing things as good or evil, see them as fear or love. Will we act based on love?
For instance, if i’m trying to find a job or work somehow and i choose to allow thoughts of fear, thoughts of lack, as in focusing on how i DONT have a job, im pressured to find one, im somehow lower on the social totem pole without one, i need to keep up, i need to acclimate and play the game, or focused on my lack of resources, lack of money, focused on bills that i cant pay. That is fear. But if i look for a job out of love i am saying, this is a big brilliant world and i have my own unique set of gifts and abilities that i can contribute and there are other people who are just brothers or sisters ive yet to meet who will be touched in some way or benefit from my gifts and abilities and they also have their own gifts and abilities that will help me..i am open to receive, open to teach, open to learn. and set out into the world by choosing love. that creates a magnetic pull to bring those higher frequencies and others operating in that frequency into my sphere of influence!
The really incredible thing is I just experienced proof of this! As I’m writing this, I received a call from a person that hung up before I could answer it. I called back and it was the actual president Steve Baker of a Texas Based staffing agency called Tekk Force! It was a misdial but I called back anyway because I don’t believe in coincidence. I spoke to a recruiting offer who I’m going to furnish a resume to and may have found a job at their headquarters! We’ll see how it pans out but I actually DREW that person, that opportunity INTO my sphere by directing my WILL to manifest that. It was tangible proof. There are no coincidences. And now here I am being able to teach what I have learned to others all across the world in hopes that they may learn from me and find that it benefits them.
Thank you to all those who have followed my blog! I look forward to learning, growing and creating with you all!
THE GREAT EGRET teaches:
You’ve made it past something, very few get to achieve. It is indeed remarkable. You can continue to hold your head up high. If you have an inkling or feeling that something big is happening behind the scenes on your behalf, know that it is symbolic of a self-prophecy that is sure to come to pass. It is not only your imagination. Take heed to the messages in your dreams. Thoughts or plans.
You’ve done well. Stand to receive the life blessings that already are and are still yet to unfold on your behalf.
represents ‘hearing’ the Divine Will from above and transmitting it without bias.
The Hierophant joins the macrocosm (universe) with the microcosm (the spiritual seeker) through esotertic teaching.
Associated with Taurus, an Earth sign, and so pertains to the tangible, material aspects of life, and this means the Hierophant represents teaching through books, internet, spiritual study, classes and physical masters on the earth plane.
Taurus is ruled by Venus and is the planet in which the Moon is Exalted or at its most potent. This gives a subconscious or meditative quality to the Hierophant. So the ‘hearing’ talked abpout above is concerned with information coming from the spiritual realms.
The Hierophant is a wise holy man. He has dedicated his life to obtaining spiritual peace through a close relationship to his Creator. He cares not for worldly things. Although he is wise in the various realms of human existence, spiritual riches are the only true wealth to him. He is portrayed as a wise man giving a blessing to two subjects, one of whom appears to be a mother holding a child; the other, a depressed-looking man. These people are focused on worldly activities and The Hierophant, by blessing them, attempts to call their attention to spiritual matters of the soul, without which no one is whole. Rather than seeing through mortal eyes and focusing on worldly matters, he has a third eye on his forehead that sees God’s great goodness and plans.
The Hierophant asks you to make a connection with your God, to seek spiritual sustenance for meaning in life and to replenish your spiritual nature. Seek God’s love and blessings to find peace in your mind and soul. Perhaps you need to seek spiritual guidance from a holy person. Perhaps you need to study religious or philosophical texts and pray. However you find the goodness and peace of your God is a personal matter and should not be subjected to the narrow minds of people who have religious convictions that allow no differing of beliefs on achieving spiritual happiness. There is more than one path to God, and The Hierophant recommends you find one that makes you happy. In a negative light, The Hierophant could represent a bad influence on your life in spiritual matters, a surrender of responsibility that should not have taken place or misused power of a higher spiritual authority.
KNIGHT OF WANDS:
Represents Yod = father, creativeness, active side of God. ACTIVITY , Our CREATIVE side. It motivates and moves us.
Crowley says : “The Knights represent the powers of the letter Yodh in the Name. They are the most sublime, original, active part of the Energy of the Element; for this reason they are represented on horseback and clad in complete armour. Their action is swift and violent, but transient. In the Element of Fire, for instance, the Knight corresponds to the Lightning flash”
The Knight of Wands’ symbolism is straightforward. When it appears, it means a great time to get away and travel. The person should feel charged up and full of life. One is also ready to get things done. He is adventurous and can find fun things to do no matter where he is. There is never a dull moment when the Knight of Wands is around. When the Knight of Wands shows up in a reading it seems to suggest that the seeker wants to complete important tasks. One wants to impress others with one’s knowledge and skill. The card also shows up when the person is planning to move to another place of residence.
If you are starting a creative project, then you should do so with lots of energy and enthusiasm. However, you should balance it with realistic and well-rounded views. You should also have a plan that takes into account the consequences of your actions.
SIX OF WANDS:
The Six of Wands appears when you have reached an important milestone or achieved a significant goal, and you are confident, self-assured, and successful. You harnessed your strengths and talents to bring about a happy outcome in your endeavours and made it through the chaos of the Five of Wands, minimising your distractions and focusing on the task at hand. Yes, there were challenges along the way, but you overcame them by concentrating your energies on the one target.
The Six of Wands suggests that not only have you achieved your goals, but you are also receiving public acknowledgement for your efforts. You may have recently received an award, acclaim or recognition from your peers for your work. It may even be just a pat on the back, but this attention is a big boost to your confidence and gives you the strength to continue your endeavours.
The Six of Wands also encourages you to put yourself out there and be proud of what you achieved. Shout your successes from the rooftop and set it all out there for others to see and cheer you on. Be open to receiving love and support from your biggest cheerleaders, who are energised by seeing you succeed. Now is your time to shine!
The Six of Wands is a positive encouragement to believe in who you are and your accomplishments so far. Have faith in what you’ve done and how others will receive it. Do not let fear or guilt stand in the way of your success. You ought to be proud! Hold your head up high and know you‘re worthy of admiration.
While the Six of Wands marks an important milestone, keep in mind that you’re not quite at the finish line just yet. You still have some way to go, and challenges may sit on the path ahead – but take heart knowing you have the support of those around you and they are here to back you 100%
Please comment or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’d be interested in a reading! Also thank you to all my followers and new friends I’ve yet to meet!
I AM SO TRULY EXCITED AND HUMBLED
I contacted the publishing company of these series of books called Right Use of Will by CeAnne DeRohan to explain that I am a starving artist, unemployed and simply do not have the money to purchase these books and they are not available at my local library but that I am dying to read them.
I just received an email from someone with the Four Winds publishing company and they are going to send me the books “Feelings Matter” and “Right Use of Will” in the mail free of charge! I offered to give them a review on the books once I read them and they are eager to receive feedback from me!
This has taught me a valuable lesson that it never hurts to ask, especially when coming from a place of gratitude and humility.
Here’s an excerpt from the website for the Right Use of Will books!
“These books were received by Ceanne DeRohan. The first book in the series of books shown below explains what Free Will really means, talks about the underlying principles of freeing and evolving our Will and gives helpful information for the evolving of our Will. The other books in the series tell an interweaving, lengthy story to help access old and buried belief systems which have impaired the evolution of our Freewill. If you want to read the books in this series, it is important to read them in order. The material in Right Use of Will will let you know if this information is right for you at this time. Getting ready for the sequels involves knowing if you want to go deeper.
These books can let you know your Original Cause by helping you access belief systems lost in the subconscious long ago, yet influencing, even running, your life everyday.
Be sure to realize that the process of reading these books will stir up emotions. This is the motion needed to shift belief systems that have had power for a long time. They need a process to rearrange so that a new age can be brought into manifestation on Earth; an age of balance, love, abundance and the dreams that most of mankind holds in common. The process of deep change can be intense within each person. It is intense on the planet as well, where it is being faced right now. When reading these books, both let yourself have your response and remember that they are bringing up some old beliefs for evolution.
Feelings Matter is a good supplement to Right Use of Will because it speaks directly to body’s needs and explains how meeting these needs unconditionally helps us to integrate all of our aspects. We hope you will find this book of interest because we believe this information to be very important for ourselves, our babies, our children, our parents and our future generations.”
I just wanted to document this interaction with a fellow artist that really encouraged me. It began with a quick message I sent to thank someone for liking one of my tracks that I uploaded.
Me to SoundCloud user ALETULLE :
Thank you so much for the likes on my really raw demo lofi-ish tracks. Your music is beautiful! I really appreciate you taking the time to notice my stuff.
Ah you are welcome! I really liked your sound! I see where you are trying to go, I can see the vision. Looking forward to listening to more of your work!
Thank you! I’m glad you liked my music 🙂 That means a lot!
As an artist who has only recently begun to give true expression to my heart and my soul, I can’t even tell you how big of a compliment and a reassurance it is that a fellow artist sees what I am trying to convey as well. I have a blog that’s a little bit, well, just weird random thoughts, writings, etc. It’s chrismarquezisdead.wordpress.com
Stay in touch. Gonna listen to more of your stuff.
Seriously I’ve been going through probably the most roughest time of my 31 years recently. I screwed up the most meaningful relationship with the only person that I have ever truly loved and who did nothing but try to love me but because of my untreated mental illnesses I ended up royally screwing that up and got an ugly terrible glimpse of the monster that I truly am. On the verge of being homeless now because the only family support I have is moving in the next thirty days and I’m unable to move with them because of legal matters (I’m on community supervision probation for the next year and until I pay off the courts I have to reside in the same county where the crime took place. Nothing crazy just a stupid theft charge from when I was not in my right frame of mind.) All in all, I feel like I’m headed in a positive direction because I’ve learned that it is very possible that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder or BPD or both? I don’t want to self diagnose but someone very close to me who copes with DID has told me they see many of the same symptoms or manifestations in me that they exhibit.
Right now I’m just waiting to go hopefully talk to a mental health professional or psychiatrist and taking it slow and easy, giving my ex plenty of space even though it kills me it’s the kindest most loving thing I can do at this point in time. I’ve started painting more and I love to sing. I don’t have much of a set up, I just sing over the original tracks that play out on a bluetooth speaker and then I record them with my phone and then kinda touch them up on audacity. SUPER lofi set up lol!
So yeah, this little project is a true labor of love and to have someone else share in that makes all the difference and I’ve spent this whole morning basically crying like a fool in the laundry room of my apartment complex and then I thought I’d pull myself together and get these tracks uploaded which I recorded last night. So this whole interaction is seriously life giving and deeply appreciated from the depths of my very being.
– Christopher Michael
Thank you for sharing your story with me. I am very moved by your words and your situation, I only hope the arts are helping you channel whatever emotions you are going through. Use art to make sense of what’s going on in your life, and to make sense of how you perceive and feel those events.
I wish I could say something insightful that would serve as golden advise and that would help you, but I’m not that wise yet. All I can do is talk from experience and say that the only way I ever got over a situation, or better said, the only way I managed to get some perspective and a clear mind, is through making art. So keep doing it, and find the voice that will allow you to do that. Use music as a medium and never as an end. It is not about making perfect music, it is about learning something about yourself so us (the audience) can learn it with you. And we grow together.
I am very glad you found the courage to upload those tracks, the first step is the scariest. Your music is filled with emotion and I can sense that, it is embedded in the songs. I wish you all the luck, I will be there for your releases!
You have a story to tell that is very valuable. I can honestly say this interaction with you has moved me, and that’s special.
Take care, I’m sending a big hug from London, I hope this makes you feel a little bit better
I’ll be there for your music,
Check out my new friend’s music!
disclaimer: no i am not actually killing myself, this is more of a psychic ritual annihilation experiment. in case family or friends stumble across this and start freaking out. Featured Cover Art for this blog post is by Fay Pomerance.